


Tortuna Television [TTV] - Late Night Advertising

by AKK



Category: Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 09:01:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13232451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AKK/pseuds/AKK
Summary: just ads on IRC...idea by AKK, edited by AKK, ad-credits given in text.





	Tortuna Television [TTV] - Late Night Advertising

Fine rooms to rent, all inclusive.    
Royal landlady.   
Dial... ~AKK   
  
Got an inconvenient relative?   
A deadbeat roommate?   
An ex-boyfriend who just won't leave you alone?    
Call... ~Trivia   
  
Your place looks crumpled?   
Your neighborhood sucks?   
You feel paranoid about the wonderful spybots?   
BY GOD! You ran out of drugs!   
Call 555-GLITTER!   
We'll connect you to the dealer of your choice for just 5.67 Crowns/sec. ~AKK   
  
Got fines that need fixing?   
Tickets you don't want to pay?   
A murder to cover up?   
Call 555-BRIBE and we will take care of you. ~Trivia   
  
Announcement in own affairs:   
Wanted (urgently):   
TTV Spot news moderator.   
Well paid, highly regarded, free lodging and food.   
Average life expectancy: 1 show.   
Apply at... ~AKK   
  
Your neighborhood has humans?   
Call Exterminate Inc.!   
We'll catch, bind, and hand them over to the authorities   
for just 50% of the reward. ~AKK   
  
Memory Birds Inc. : our birdbrains are the best! ~Trivia   
  
Join the Forces! Adventures throughout the Galaxy!   
Attractive Armor, free flights, and Royal employer all inclusive!   
Enlist NOW! ~AKK   
  
1,000,000 Crown reward for information leading to the capture of former TTV anchorperson Jujub Horkinak. (one of them got away) ~Trivia   
  
OFFICIAL PALACE ANNOUNCEMENT:   
Whoever withholds knowledge about GalaxyRangers   
commits a major offence and faces eternal wrath of the Queen  (to be spent in a comfortable private booth. visit the psychocrypt for a personal experience of our improved comfort). ~AKK   
  
EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY!   
Excellent medical benefits!   
Apply Room 21325, West Wing, Royal Palace.   
Gherkins and humans preferred. ~Trivia   
  
Need a hand (or a whole being to do the job)?   
Call 555-ZANGWELL.   
We take orders up to 5000 entities. ~AKK   
  
For sale: Full equipment for earth-style rock band.   
Highest quality instruments. Slightly used.   
Comes with free complimentary video of Eve Wheiner's band. ~Trivia   
  
EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY!   
(males only) Excellent gratification.   
Sportive physique a necessity.   
Apply Room 6-69. (appropriate clothing available at location) ~AKK   
  
Tortuna Bell: Run for the Border! ~Trivia   
  
Sick of routine tortures?   
We go for the *specials*   
Call 555-SCREAM! ~AKK   
  
Tortuna Evening Classes:   
1) a slaverlord, the slightly different neighbor   
2) how to bribe crown agents properly   
3) mannerisms of spydroids   
4) psychocrypt ettiquette   
5) how to avoid traffic jams while lying dead.out with drugs in the street   
6) make money! catch humans! We show you how!   
7) the sensible crowntrooper - a being like you and me   
8) city hygiene: how to deal with spydroids, tunnels, and humans. ~AKK   
  
Got an enemy that no one will take on?   
Call Killbane Inc. and we'll take them out. ~Trivia   
  
Need some flair, some grandeur, some magic?   
Call Mogul, court magician extraordinnaire ~AKK   
  
REWARD: 5.000 crowns for the critter's head who posted the last ad. ~AKK   
  
Need hands for your business?   
Call 555-Plaguos4all.   
Genetically enhanced versions in stock! ~AKK   
  
DESPERATELY SEEKING HUMANS   
Will pay top dollar ~Trivia   
  
Memory Bird Malfunctions? Not with us!   
Call BrainBirdCo. (Royal Servant). ~AKK   
  
Your slaverlord bubbles?   
Let's learn in 10 easy steps how to work properly with the spongefish-95 model.    
Call... ~AKK   
  
Want that lovely lilac glow?   
Get Superba Cosmetics and get the Royal treatment. ~Trivia   
  
In need of tamed men?   
Want to add royal glamour to your lifestyle?   
Consort Inc. - _the_  dating agency! ~AKK   
  
Suffering hair loss?   
Our top specialists will show you how to best conceal it from your subjects.   
Call 555-GO-BALDY! ~Bruinhilda   
  
12,000,000 for the head of the Baldy Hair Replacement Co. Body optional. ~Trivia   
  
Tortuna Travelline!   
Sightseeing throughout the Empire.   
Psychocrypt all inclusive!    
Call your travel agent right NOW.   
Dial 555-CRYSTALNOW ~AKK   
  
COOKING WITH US: Humans - the other white meat. ~AKK   
  
Need that annoying person in your life gone?   
HitMen R Us! For all your extermination needs.   
Call 555-REAPER ~Bruinhilda   
  
EQUIPMENT AUCTION   
Government repossessions and surplus equipment.   
Ships, cybersteeds, memory birds, crown troopers all sold to the highest bidder.   
Saturday, October 12, viewing starts 7 a.m., bidding starts at noon. ~Trivia   
  
Got stuff? Need money?    
Go blackmarkets! The only address with consent of the palace! ~AKK   
  
Got information the Crown wants?    
Don't want to attract the attention of the crown troopers?   
Call 555-SNITCH.   
Confidential reports to the Crown without the hassle, for only 25% of the reward. ~Trivia   
  
Stuck in a dead end job? Going no where fast?   
Then see your Crown trooper Recruiter Today!   
We're looking for a few expendable bodies! ~AnnieO   
  
Crown Insurance Agency.   
We provide coverage against fire, flood, meteor showers,   
psychocrystalization, and so much more! ~Trivia   
  
Rival companies? Annoying superiors?   
Call Kill'em Inc. The easier way up. ~AKK   
  
Your life's no fun? Your wife's gone?    
Humans burned your house?   
The troopers found your tunnel?    
Don't give up! PSYCHAM shows you _the productive way ahead_!   
Call 555-CRYPT ~AKK   
  
To whoever it was who ratted me out to the Rangers:   
I did not appreciate having the Runt kick down my door and shoot up my apartment. When I get my hands on you I will show you exactly why Killbane Inc. is the nastiest elimination agency in Crown Space. ~Trivia   
  
You're a tech genius?   
You aren't afraid to take risks?   
You like to dwell at high places?   
Call 555-PALACE - we might use you. ~AKK   
  
When you go out on the town, you want people to know who you are.   
You want people to treat you with respect.   
You want Obsession for Tyrants. The scent of power. ~Bruinhilda   
  
EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES!   
All levels of Crown Fleet personnel, including engineers, pilots, navigators, programmers, communications, and weapons techs. ~Trivia   
log on at cannonfodder.com ~Bruinhilda   
  
JOB OFFER:   
20 minutes work, 1 month's pay!   
Free food and lodging!   
Call 555-CRYPTME ~AKK   
  
Want to look like a Queen?   
Come to Capes-R-Us. ~Trivia   
  
Get your picture taken with Elvis!   
Visit Madame Toussaud's Tortuna. ~Trivia   
  
TTV PROUDLY ANNOUNCES:   
Hogokuk's late night talk:   
Topic: The secret desires of the Queen!   
Date and Place secret. Stay tuned. ~AKK   
  
LIVE UNCENSORED FOOTAGE FROM THE QUEEN'S BOUDOIR!   
Not for the weak-stomached or children. ~Trivia   
  
TTV sadly reports the sudden decease of it's senior stuff. ~AKK   
  
WANTED:   
television personnel.   
All positions available. apply NOW!    
555-TTV ~AKK   
  
~~~   
  
and at the same time on   
Crown Shopping Network:   
  
"And that's not all, call now and we'll throw in an offspring of the MOTHMOOSE OF KIRWIN! That's right, for only 49.95 crowns, we'll send you the X-Factor genetic enhancing agent, a gelatinous henchman, a floating holder for your brain and an offspring of the MOTHMOOSE OF KIRWIN! Mothmoose offspring available on first come, first serve basis. Crown Inc not liable for mutations, side effects and mishaps due to the use of X-Factor (heck, we threw in the brain holder didn't we, Negata?).   
Act now, supplies are limited!"   
~Rabbi_Bob


End file.
